What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You took a bar mat shot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
