Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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