so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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