Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
