it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
