i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
