I'm so fucking centered right now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
