im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
