There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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