i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
