He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
