we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
