I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
