I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize