there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
