And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
