I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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