Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
