I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
