oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
