so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
