She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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