swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
