Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
