i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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