some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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