i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
