He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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