if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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