She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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