pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
