I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
