i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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