some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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