Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
