You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
