So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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