remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
