at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
