The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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