Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
