Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
