I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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