My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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