I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And then he peed in my hair
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