Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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