So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize