I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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