He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
