Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
