Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
