And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Even my vagina gasped.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
