Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
