If i come over, it means nothing
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
