if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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