its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
