I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
