tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
