She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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