official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
