do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
