he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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