his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
