you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
