I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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