They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want her autograph on my taint
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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