Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
