I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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