Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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